James Douglas

“My name is JD, and I am …..”
I thought I was invincible.  I was addicted to working hard, didn’t really take days off or time away and my personal lifewas a soap-opera inspired drama.
Before my entire world began to collapse around me, I thought I had everything under control.  I thought I had it all together and from the outside, to those looking in, I did.
No one could see it to begin with, not even me … and then the cracks began to show and it didn’t take long before all those around me began to see the trouble I had got myself into and the path I had started to walk down.
Lonely nights, days off with nothing to do, losing both my parents, screwed up personal life, endless working hours, stressful environments, the list goes on … I was depressed, anxious and suicidal.
The tipping point came one night.  It snuck up on me, all that pain and suffering I had been putting myself through…
I was drunk and heading toward a blackout.
I remember being on my knees, in the middle of a field, begging to any and every Deity out there to just end my life.  To take away the pain, the embarrassment and the suffering I felt.  To take me away from all of this damn hurt, because I didn’t want to feel this way anymore.  I not only hated many of those around me, but I hated myself even more for the way I was.
That was my last blackout.  I was lucky to survive it.
The next day, I got help.
I got to AA
I got to a doctor.
I got sober and clean.
I got to a councillor.
I started to talk.  It was good to get all that pain and anger out, and it was like breathing clean air for the first time.  I took back control of all those demons that had plagued my life for so long.
I cried on and off for days.  Im not ashamed of that.  I am stronger because of it.  I walked through an emotional tidal and came out the other side.
I don’t care who you are or what background you have or where you grew up or trained, mental health issues and addiction can affect anyone and it will grab hold of you and have you on your knees before you know it has even happened.
So if you have a friend or colleague and you think they are struggling, please, don’t hold back, just fucking ask them outright!
If they are okay, then great, you just made someone’s day because you cared enough to check on them, and if they aren’t okay, well, you may have just saved someone’s life!
Namaste

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *